In Over My Head

I thought I could isolate myself from the world, in a city exploding with people.

I imagined I could escape the bitterness and hold on to the true sincerity of who I used to be.

I dreamt I could do it all alone and never ask for help.

I envisioned the fairytale and glorified the fantasy.

I thought happiness was just something I was never working hard enough for.

I believed my brain worked differently and that was okay.

I wanted a piece of mind that I would never find.

I have thought over the past much too often.

I have been too nice, too mean, too harsh and too slow to pick up the lessons that have fallen in my lap.

I pick the wrong people at the wrong times.

I let the thoughts sit for much too long.

I thought I could go it alone.

I was wrong.

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Riddled

It was the dawn of the end of time. Really though, it was just the beginning. 

I was as lost as I had ever been. Whirlwinds blowing through my mind. 

The days were cruel. The nights stabbed at me. 

They aren’t all laughing at you, so why does it feel that way. They believe in you. That is supposed to make it easier, isn’t it. 

This new me is merely a shell, a place to absorb information and hope that it will stay. A slave to my education. A prisoner in my own city. 

Freedom is having a choice, and I know that I do. But if I choose not to suffer this temporary pain and jeopardize my future, what else is there. 

I finally found my purpose, but in the same breathe  I know that it is all I have left. 

Will this purpose fix the holes that radiate day to night? When will I be good enough. 

Soldiers enter combat knowing they may not survive. 

Maybe I will lose and maybe I will win.

Still, I am prepared to fight. 

Again

The depart 

Breaks me into

A million pieces

That never end up 

Together again

No glue could ever fix

The ways

I am broken

And the day makes the loudest sound

That never fades

Every minute screams out 

My body, writhing in the light of day

Throughout the darkest of the night

Chest burning 

Breathe shortened 

Outside of the blurred lines

Inside of a dream that 

Never fades

The day doesn’t come

Odds win the war 

All that stays the same 

Is everything we had before