Living Vs. Waiting 

  Life is happening now. Don’t wait for it to get better. Don’t base your future on those things that “could” happen. 
Figure out what you want. Make that happen. Live in the now. 
It was a wonderful week. Life is good. I am happy. 

Fluffiness Fondness

It’s okay to be whatever the fuck you want to be.  Without makeup, without covering up or being ashamed, without being cruel to yourself for not being perfect.  It is okay to look in the mirror and be happy.  I finally feel that.

It turns out, life is full of so much good.

There is so much potential waiting out there.

Even if you are a “plus size” women living in an overly critical world.

Even if you happen to have thick thighs, a pudgy tummy, a little jiggle in your step, a slight double-chin.

So many imperfections and million reasons to love me just the way I am.

I feel so comfortable being me lately.  I have accepted all the flaws.  Although I am always striving to better myself in countless ways, I will not forget to honor the sanctity of my current self.  This warrior woman made of fire.  Full of the wildest, unrestrained, unconfined passion.

Something wonderful happens when you have the strength to accept yourself and love every blemish.

The world replies, loving you back.

You attract whatever you give.  Simple, and absolutely true.

I’ve grown.  I’ve learned.  I am perfectly imperfect.

Always.

The Speed of Slowing Down

Today feels fresh.  New.

I am enjoying a short few weeks off before I return to school for my final semester in my undergraduate pursuit.

I have so many college/scholarship related tasks that must be completed very soon.  But that will not stop me from finding some time to get away.  I have made it a tradition to take a trip somewhere every time I finish a semester.  Whether it is somewhere I’ve already been or somewhere new, I know it will be a chance to relax my body and my mind.  I need the adventure to cleanse my soul.

I am living in the moment and that is the ultimate gift to myself.

Omnibus ad Lunae

So there’s that song, by No Doubt.  “Simple Kind of Life.”

That’s what I want.

I want to use my talents to create things,

work hard to provide for myself,

continuously learn new things,

cook delicious food to share with the people I care about,

travel to foreign places,

explore the unknown,

help people,

laugh,

earn enough money so that I can visit my family when I want to,

be able to support myself without constantly worrying about bills.

I want to write.  I want to dance.  I want to draw.

I want to laugh.  I want to have fun.  I want to share myself with others.

I want to love.

I have so much to give that sometimes it overwhelms me.  It consumes.

I don’t want to think.  I will not wish for the things I cannot have.  Those things do not belong to me.

I do not care to win.  I will not force anything.  I will let it happen, whatever it may be.

I am simply here to radiate myself and my gifts.  That is all I am meant for.

That is all I have ever been.  I finally understand.

Tabula 15

So I’ve made it this far and I feel quite fantastic. Slimmer and, most importantly, healthier.

It has been a challenging 2 weeks so far, but completely worth it.

My original goal was twenty days.  I am shortening that just a bit.  Not because I don’t think I could make it that far, or beyond.  Mostly because of my future weekend plans.  I have a nice evening planned on Friday and I want to be able to eat dinner, not just sit at the table while the other person eats.

I’ve been doing some research in order to prepare myself for real food again.  As much as I would love to strive to adopt a fully Vegan lifestyle again, it’s not entirely realistic.  So I will be returning to a vegetarian diet, with more of an emphasis on raw foods.  Also, no more cheese.  As much as it pains me to admit it, I cannot consume dairy products.  They do horrible things to my body.

Coffee, on the other hand, I haven’t decided.  I am worried that it was causing some of my health problems.  So I will reintroduce it slowly and see what happens.

I am excited to resume normalcy in a few days.  Well, almost.  I’ve never really been “normal”.

***************************

Update from the scale:

27 pounds lost 🙂

Tabula 9&10

I am running a bit behind on these updates. School has been occupying most of my time. I guess it has been kind of nice not having to spend time on grocery shopping and thinking about what I am going to eat for 3 meals a day. I do, however, very much miss cooking. It’s one of my passions. That being said, here is a brief recap of the last couple days. 

Day 9- no big changes. Felt good. Not as tired as the day before. Not hungry or tempted by foods. 

Day 10- I spent the morning in Central Park and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t wish I was sipping on some coffee while lounging on that park bench. 

After the park, I met my art class at the Met. It was a great day. I love visiting the museums. It’s so fascinating and teaches us so much about our history. 

I could smell everything so strongly. I was almost as if I was eating things through my nose. Haha. Hard to explain, really. 

Staying focused on my goal of 20 days, but listening to my body. Most importantly, I want to make sure I keep going until I completely detox and all the bad stuff is cleared out of my system. 

Down 24 pounds 🙂

Tabula 7&8

Day 7 was felt easier than the prior days.  Although I was at work and around food all day, I wasn’t tempted.  The only thing I do miss on a daily basis is coffee.  Not for the caffeine content, but because I love the taste.  I’ll have to really decide if I want to start drinking it again after I finish the cleanse.

Day 8.  I was painfully tired in both my classes today and it really worried me.  Thankfully, I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled soon, but ironically it is on the first day after I am planning on ending my detox.  If I start to feel a deeper decrease in energy, I may end sooner than I planned.

Wasn’t tempted by food today until I went to Whole Foods to buy more maple syrup and lemons.  Just being in the produce section made me want to devour all of the fruit.  I also really miss cooking.  It’s weird to come home and just drink liquid for dinner.  But I remind myself that this is temporary, and worth it for my health.

On another note, I have been sleeping better, which is why my tiredness concerns me even more.  I should be more energetic, not less.  Also, my skin looks so much healthier.  You can definitely notice a change in my face.

I am off to bed.  I have an early midterm exam in the morning.

Oh, and as of tonight, I have lost 22 pounds.

  
     

Tabula 5&6

Day 5: This was my first day working while on the cleanse.  I work at a restaurant so that made it mildly difficult.  But I reminded myself that there will be plenty of healthy food waiting for me when I am done detoxing.

No headaches at all.  Feeling more energetic.  So much in fact that I took a trip to Coney Island.  Went on the Wonder Wheel and the Swings.  It was fun.  The most challenging part of the day was being around all that Carnival food.  My sense of smell is heightened so my nose was going crazy.  In all honesty though, I wouldn’t have eaten any of that fried food anyways.  Frozen yogurt though, that is a different story.  I decided I need to go back again this summer, when I can indulge a bit.

Day 6: The day went well at work again.  I was less tempted than the previous day.  I felt good, but didn’t drink enough of my lemonade mixture at work.  I came home with the intention of preparing some more and having a relaxing night.  I had only been home for 10 minutes, went to take out the trash, and locked myself out of my apartment.  No keys, no phone, NOTHING.

Long story short, I was tired, hungry, thirsty and frustrated.  Eventually, I met my very nice neighbors who helped me out and I made it back into my apartment.

I’m convinced after making it through this crazy day that the rest of this cleanse is going to be a breeze.

Sidenote: As of tonight, I am down 20 pounds 🙂

Tabula 4

   

  
  This is me. Day 4. 

I was ashamed of my body for most of my life. 

Not any more. I’ve been wearing whatever I am comfortable in this summer and I will continue to do so.

Throughout this cleanse, I know I will lose weight and slim down, but that is not why I am doing it. I’m doing this for my health. For my future.

Okay, so back to day 4…

It came to my attention that I probably should have went to my doctor to get a physical done before starting this detox to make sure everything is okay. So I scheduled an appointment today. 

I’ve felt more motivated today and a bit more energetic, but the tiredness has still been pretty overwhelming. Hence, the scheduled physical. 

Overall, I feel good. And lighter. I am not a scale person, but I have been weighing myself  throughout this cleanse in order to know what is happening with my body. As of today, I’m down 12 pounds. 

Tomorrow I will be quarter of the way through this. 

Onward!!