Boxes

These past two months.  Whoa.  Seriously.

Life is such a ride.  Sometimes I bounce back slowly.  Sometimes I feel like I can fly.

Transitioning to the new and unknown is mostly second nature to me at this point.

Today I woke up with this uncontrollable anxiousness to move on to the next chapter.

And I will.

I find that I rarely have patience these days.  But it’s because all I feel is passion and drive.  Ambition.  Knowingness towards the dream.

I know exactly what I want.  Is there anything more wonderful than to know where you are headed?  What you want to accomplish, who you want to be around when you finally get there?

I have this burning desire to pack up all my things now.  I can barely hold in all the excitement.

How will all this work?  I do not know.

My only goal is to survive in this crazy city for seven more months so that I can move on to bigger, better, brighter things.

I am so ready.

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The Wind and the Sail

Tomorrow.  9 am. CHEMISTRY FINAL.

As I head into the most challenging exam that I’ve taken so far, I would like to talk about resistance.

This semester has been rough.  From the outside, it most likely appears that I have had it under control the entire time.  That, however, is false.

In semesters past, I have spent more of my down time studying.  Time was more precious these last few months, as was my energy level, and my mental and physical health.

There were times when I was so incredibly exhausted, that I had to give in.  I chose sleep over late night studying and, at times, naps over homework completion.

This, although very out of character for me, for necessary for survival.  If there is one thing I am, it is a warrior.

And so, while I do feel I pushed myself, it was not to my maximum.  If I would have worked any harder, I felt I might have given up, and I am certainly not a quitter.

That brings me to the topic of resistance.  You have to know when enough is enough.  I needed to protect the little bit of light and life that still radiates within.  Sometimes I feel that I gave up my livelihood in exchange for my quest towards my education.  My life has completely changed.  It has purpose and direction, but sometimes feels so trapped and alone.

So the sky is the limit.  I can join honor societies, maintain an impressive GPA, and conquer every class.  But if I don’t listen to the voice inside that reminds me to take care of myself, none of the other things matter.

I once was a workaholic and maybe now I have become a schoolaholic.

But I will never forget to put myself first because I am worth that.

Stars

Within the endless stars, 

I found only a few 

On the darkest night, 

They led me through 

Where am I going now, 

There is no way to know. 

What will be my masterpiece 

How will I grow? 

Observations and mystifications 

Endless ways to reinvent 

Me

Who will I be?

Is life just breathing 

Or can we really feel

Does anything even run so deep

Of feel half as real. 

Happy Belly, Happy Mind

So, it’s almost time for finals and I am doing everything I can to NOT stress eat. There is nothing that makes me happier than a big, fat delicious homemade salad. Seriously, I dreamed of this sexy thing all day!  

Kale mixed with walnut oil and balsamic, red peppers, heirloom tomatoes, chickpeas and nutritional yeast. The best!  

And now, back to studying.  

Work in Progress

Things need to change in order for me to move forward, and ensure that I am the healthiest that I can be.  I have been neglecting certain aspects of my well-being for quite some time now.

I have really been somewhere dark these past few months.  But I am starting over. Again.

I cannot go back, but I can work harder this time.

I’ve learned and it’s time to make things better than they are now.   I’m determined.

I started a new job at a yoga studio/juice bar/cafe.  I feel this is going to change so many things for the better.  My previous job was draining me of every bit of life.  I was almost miserable there.

I am starting a 30 day juice cleanse tomorrow.  My new job is also right next to the park, which will motivate me to begin a running routine before and after work shifts.  I also will be returning to the world of yoga.  When I was practicing yoga regularly, I felt the happiest I’ve ever been.  Oh how I miss it.

I am also focusing on confidence, now that it is warmer weather and I will be showing off more skin.  I am determined to feel comfortable in anything I chose to wear.  I’ve had enough of the feeling that I am not good enough, and I know that mindset is no one else’s fault but my own.  I’m making a change.  Right now.

So this is me now and I plan to document