Woke up. Meditated. Discovered so many feelings stuck in the pit of me; working to carry it all to my surface.
All relationships, no matter the type, travel throughout peaks and valleys. I find that I discover so much more about myself in my current relationship, then I ever did in the dark depths of my past trek throughout singledom.
My actions, words, and reactions slip from love to judgement much too often. I am working on grounding my emotions and harnessing my fear so that I can exude more light and less darkness. This doesn’t mean that I am not honoring the bad things that I feel, but that I am striving to balance and understand both extremes.
I am allowed to be me and I cannot pretend to be anything I am not. Too often, there are things that come out of me that I am not at all proud of. But I collect those moments, feel them, let them pass, and hope they dissipate slowly so that next time I can choose a softer path.
Point being, I woke up and remembered and cherished the fact that I am deeply and madly in love with my partner. I am incredibly fucking lucky and I will not forget that.
Sometimes it can be difficult to let go of the engrained idea of constant independency. But I am learning how to be myself in all new ways and it feels safe and warm.
Appreciate something today. Trust me. It feels incredible.
A brand new year and so many opportunities floating within the horizon.
A list of my newest ambitious intentions:
- Back to Vegan. Turns out my body has allergies to dairy, eggs, and gluten (yes, I’m now one of thoooose people). I once followed a vegan diet for approximately 6 years without fail and I felt great! But this gluten-free AND vegan stuff is rough at first. It’s been a week and I would like to say I am feeling better already. Who knows though, it could be all in my head. Either way, I am now and always will be thrilled to be doing positive things for myself to improve my health and happiness.
- Beachbody. I have several friends that are coaches and, while they have never pressured me to join them, the constant success stories can not be denied. It works. Turns out that there is currently a free 30-day trial for the on-demand service. I joined. It has been 5 days. We will see where this leads me. I will take all the help I can get.
- Meditation. I have really lost my way in terms of my willingness to set aside time for my mental and spiritual needs. For now, my plan is at least 5 minutes in the morning and night. I always forget how much the simple act of slowing down, clearing my mind, letting go, and breathing can soothe my mind and body.
- Me time. I am grateful and proud of my relationship, but sometimes I feel that I am losing myself within it. I am committed to devoting time to myself and time with friends. I can grasp way too tightly to my partner sometimes and I need to remember that we both need time away to decompress, bond with others and revive our minds. We each need our space. It can be difficult because of the bond I feel and the fact that I tend to be overly affectionate by nature. But I recognize the need to thrive and grow in my own ways as well as providing that space for others.
- Balance. The mix of personal, professional, and academic pursuits can often feel overwhelming. I am striving to be more mindful of taking care of myself amidst my chaotic schedule. I have extremely high expectations regarding my college grades and this tends to cause me to put intense amounts of pressure on myself. I am working on being able to remember daily that I am doing the best I can and that is all that I can ever do, not to be so hard on myself, and to understand that I things do not always have to be perfect, so long as they just get done.
I am working on me, constantly. All I have ever wanted is to continue improving and striving for more progress, more life, more understanding, and more love.
Here’s to another beautiful year.