Royal Plans

Recently I have been reading, researching, and studying Buddhism.  I still have infinite lessons to learn.  Not only with this newfound interest; in endless areas of my life as well as existence in general.

Letting go seems to be my most prevalent fault.  It has always been a challenge for me, but at this point in my life I am realizing how much it has held me back, hindered my growth, and contributed to much pain in my past.  Even now, I know that I am still holding on to things I should have demolished by now.

My battle is with the deep amounts of love that I feel.  The attachment.  I struggle with finding the courage to release something/someone that has been a part of me for so very long.  And although I know there is nothing left to hold onto, the thought of letting go is equivalent to agreeing to never think of any of it again.  To surrender.  It feels as if I choose to say goodbye to that enormous part of my past that what I am really saying is that it never existed.  If I let go, did it ever really happen?  Does it disappear?  It continues to hurt me every day.

I still don’t have an answer, but I am always trying.  To understand me.  To understand love, pain, and letting go.  To understand the depths of my emotions and how to feel them, share them, and use them to move through moments instead of getting stuck within them.

 

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