Detox

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I’m giving up sugar again.
For awhile at least. I’ve done this several times before and felt amazing. I’m still going to have some carbs that metabolize as sugar: whole grains, fruits in moderation.
The body needs carbs. It’s brain fuel. Keep your brain happy!

So from now until April, goodbye sugar.

Also, this:

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ūüôā

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Work In Progress

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.”

~Larry King
I got in front of class today and told a story.  Most importantly, I listened to others tell their stories and felt the power that was present while they conquered their fears the same as mine; I felt their vulnerability.
This life is all about relationships.¬† Within relationships, we learn.¬† Communicating was always something I wasn’t exactly comfortable with.¬† My default was just to become emotional when things became too real.¬† But slowly, I’m evolving.
The people in my life transform me every day.  They listen to me and believe in me and that alone is incredibly motivational.
I recently shared childhood stories with my therapist.¬† Stories about all those cruel kids who used to pick on me for many years. I knew that it had a deep impact on me, but I hadn’t realized that I was still letting it affect me in my everyday life.¬† Point being, I know the past is done and gone.¬† I can’t change it.¬† I only wish to understand myself and feel comfortable about who I am.¬† And so I am working on it.
The future me is more confident.  The future me is more adjusted.  The future me feels more stability.  The future me also respects the present me.  I know I have so far to go, but I believe in the gift of time.  Every day is a new chance to see things in a new light.  A chance to move on.
One day I hope to give a speech to a much larger audience than just my classroom.  I hope that my words will touch lives.  Above all, I hope to leave behind a lasting impression in the minds of others.

The Big V

I wish you were my valentine,
but even though you’re not
You still mean the world to me,
and I think of you a lot.

Full Speed Ahead

Things are moving fast these days. ¬†That’s both exciting and scary for me. ¬†I met with my advisor this week to talk about what my next steps should be. ¬†I will be graduating in approximately 10 months. ¬†There are many universities to research and decide on, personal essays to write and many scholarships to apply for. ¬†I’m thrilled that my dream is happening. ¬†At the same time, I’m always wondering how I will pull it all together.

When you attend college at my age, it isn’t clear what to expect. ¬†Now that I’m in my third semester, I believe I get it. ¬†This experience hasn’t just been a way to hopefully secure a decent career for myself in the future. ¬†College has been a forum to meet new people, open my mind to things I never used to think about, awaken my critical thinking skills, something to give my all to, but most of all it is shaping me. ¬†When I am done with this journey, that I am only just beginning, I will be someone who knows what she wants and knows how to get it. ¬†I am partly there now, but I have so far to go. ¬†The path is long, but the view is worth it.

Every night before I go to bed, I think about what I am working towards.  I remember how lucky I am to be given the opportunity to work towards my dreams.  I envision my future and I know that all the struggle is for a reason.  This is all happening and it is so very real.

Relaxation and Reinvention

It could be because I am mellowing out to some Pink Floyd or that the melatonin I took has me feeling a bit loopy, or perhaps the full moon.  Tonight has me thinking.

Why is it as I slowly inch closer to my goals that I am struggling to even begin to understand or define who I am and what I stand for?  Is it the knowledge that is pushing me into places I have never been before towards those thoughts I have never faced? The ones I have kept pushed away.

I believe that my shyness has never really gotten me anywhere in life. ¬†Then again, this newfound overly-confident, outspoken, much too sarcastic and maybe even inappropriate person I have turned into doesn’t feel too familiar either. ¬†That isn’t who I really am.

It’s somewhere just between. ¬†That is where I want to float. ¬†A cloud between the heavens and the seas.

Just because you have been, doesn’t mean you must continue to be…

I have to give my very first public speech at school next week. ¬†Somehow this is bringing out things I haven’t thought about in so very long. ¬†Years of being picked on and made fun of. ¬†I feel as if I’m 14 again.

I’m only two weeks in to the semester and I’m already feeling it. ¬†For me, the most important thing to remember is that I can only do so much in one day. ¬†When I have reached my maximum, I must relax.

So after an epic candle-lit bubble bath, I am off to bed so I am able to wake up early tomorrow and hit the gym. ¬†It’s been too long.