Mind Memorandum

If you believe in any sort of higher power, spirituality, force of life, or predetermined destiny-lined path; hear this.  Everything will change.  Constants sway, shift, rock, fall, climb, and soar across our endless uncharted skies.

Change is undeniably, entirely, and unbelievably necessary; refreshing and healing.  Flow with it, feel it, expect it, embrace it and live for it.  Learn from it.  Everyday.

{to be continued}

Between the Streets and the Stars

Woke up.  Meditated.  Discovered so many feelings stuck in the pit of me; working to carry it all to my surface.

All relationships, no matter the type, travel throughout peaks and valleys.  I find that I discover so much more about myself in my current relationship, then I ever did in the dark depths of my past trek throughout singledom.

My actions, words, and reactions slip from love to judgement much too often.  I am working on grounding my emotions and harnessing my fear so that I can exude more light and less darkness.  This doesn’t mean that I am not honoring the bad things that I feel, but that I am striving to balance and understand both extremes.

I am allowed to be me and I cannot pretend to be anything I am not.  Too often, there are things that come out of me that I am not at all proud of.  But I collect those moments, feel them, let them pass, and hope they dissipate slowly so that next time I can choose a softer path.

Point being, I woke up and remembered and cherished the fact that I am deeply and madly in love with my partner.  I am incredibly fucking lucky and I will not forget that.

Sometimes it can be difficult to let go of the engrained idea of constant independency.  But I am learning how to be myself in all new ways and it feels safe and warm.

Appreciate something today. Trust me. It feels incredible.

~Jamie

Growing

A brand new year and so many opportunities floating within the horizon.

A list of my newest ambitious intentions:

  1. Back to Vegan.  Turns out my body has allergies to dairy, eggs, and gluten (yes, I’m now one of thoooose people).  I once followed a vegan diet for approximately 6 years without fail and I felt great!  But this gluten-free AND vegan stuff is rough at first.  It’s been a week and I would like to say I am feeling better already.  Who knows though, it could be all in my head.  Either way, I am now and always will be thrilled to be doing positive things for myself to improve my health and happiness.
  2. Beachbody.  I have several friends that are coaches and, while they have never pressured me to join them, the constant success stories can not be denied.  It works.  Turns out that there is currently a free 30-day trial for the on-demand service.  I joined.  It has been 5 days.  We will see where this leads me.  I will take all the help I can get.
  3. Meditation.  I have really lost my way in terms of my willingness to set aside time for my mental and spiritual needs.  For now, my plan is at least 5 minutes  in the morning and night.  I always forget how much the simple act of slowing down, clearing my mind, letting go, and breathing can soothe my mind and body.
  4. Me time.  I am grateful and proud of my relationship, but sometimes I feel that I am losing myself within it.  I am committed to devoting time to myself and time with friends.  I can grasp way too tightly to my partner sometimes and I need to remember that we both need time away to decompress, bond with others and revive our minds.  We each need our space.  It can be difficult because of the bond I feel and the fact that I tend to be overly affectionate by nature.  But I recognize the need to thrive and grow in my own ways as well as providing that space for others.
  5. Balance.  The mix of personal, professional, and academic pursuits can often feel overwhelming.  I am striving to be more mindful of taking care of myself amidst my chaotic schedule.  I have extremely high expectations regarding my college grades and this tends to cause me to put intense amounts of pressure on myself.  I am working on being able to remember daily that I am doing the best I can and that is all that I can ever do, not to be so hard on myself, and to understand that I things do not  always have to be perfect, so long as they just get done.

I am working on me, constantly.  All I have ever wanted is to continue improving and striving for more progress, more life, more understanding, and more love.

Here’s to another beautiful year.

~Jamie

Saturday Morning Bliss

It’s a freezing, extremely windy morning in NYC.  I would like to report that those factors did not stop me from walking my booty to the laundromat to wash my toppling pile of dirty clothes, but alas, it did.  Usually I multi-task laundry and the gym because they are located just a block apart, but no laundry equalled no gym.  I did, however, wake up before the birds at 6am, meditated, roasted an acorn squash with coconut oil cinnamon and brown sugar (the best winter snack!), and completed my Chemistry homework.  Not bad for a Saturday morning.

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With my busy schedule, Saturday mornings are typically the only day of the week that I don’t have to wake up crazy early and rush to the train.  I love to lounge and create some sort of amazing breakfast on these days.  Schoolwork is more exciting with a delicious meal involved.

The first paper for my Human Nutrition project is due at the beginning of March.  I actually LOVE research, it is fascinating to me.  We were given many topics to choose from.  I’m debating between:

  • Are soy products good or bad for your health?
  • What are the benefits and risks of a Vegan diet?
  • Is high-fructose corn syrup worse than other sugars?
  • Are organic foods really healthier than those that are conventionally grown?

 I’ve already researched some of these topics over the last 6 years, after I first decided to adapt to a Vegan diet (I am not currently Vegan).  Not sure what I will decide on, but I am super excited to be researching and writing about things that I am passionate about!  Nutrition nerd 🙂

Early Riser

Had a mellow night and purposefully went to bed early last night so I could wake up early and refreshed.  So that’s what I did, but I had so much stomach pain when my 4am alarm went off.

There is so much anxiety inside me lately and I have yet to figure out why.  I wake up early specifically to meditate, because I know that is necessary in my everyday life.  Even during meditation, I can feel my heart racing.  Even during deep breathing and in the silence and the stillness.  I felt a little bit better after I was done, had some breakfast and hot tea.

My theory is that my almost hour and half morning commute to school is at the root of my anxiety.  Small spaces packed with people who can honestly be very cruel at times.  When I was transferring at Union Square this morning, some guy pushed me on the stairs and I almost fell backwards.  There are parts of me that despise this city that I once loved so much.  But I refuse to let the bad parts win.

I know that with anxiety and stress, it is important to change or eliminate the causes; either your routine, the environments that surround you or any people who make you feel uncomfortable.  I can only change so many things.

I live in an apartment building with so much noise, which can be at all times of the day and night.  The neighbor I share a wall with blasts music so loud that the bass shakes my room.  I have tried pleasantly talking to them, especially when it has happened at 3am, but they continue to do it.  I feel like there is nothing I can do to change it and that alone makes me feel anxious.  My room is supposed to be this safe space where I can relax, do schoolwork and sleep at normal sleeping times.  My neighbors make it nearly impossible.  I know that I should move, but I am only in NYC for one more year and just resigned my lease.

So I escape to coffee shops, my campus, the gym, and any other place in the city where I can get some peace.  I guess if I carry that peace with me, I can get through anything.

Lately I am getting to know myself all over again and that is both challenging and healing.  More than ever, I understand why I am such a dreamer.  I long for better situations, better surroundings, a better environment: a simpler life.  That is what I am working towards.

Back to Reality

Today was my first day back to classes and it went well.  My professors are great and I feel like I really know what I’m doing this semester; perhaps more prepared and focused.  One of the classes I am taking is Stress Management and today we did about 45 minutes of yoga and meditation.  I have to say that was my absolute favorite moment of college thus far.  Earning college credits for reducing stress and practicing yoga??!?  It’s going to be an amazing semester.

I am also taking my second health class in which the focus is mainly nutrition; this is extra exciting because nutrition is my major and I am so ready to dive further into the topic.  I am taking a CPR course, Communications and Chemistry (terrifying but semi-thrilling) as well.

I’m ready for more challenges, more knowledge and more tools to advance myself and my career.