Inner Dynamics

One month in. My meditation practice is lacking and so is my sleep. On the other hand, I have been balancing home and school life quite well. 

I have bursts of passionate drive lately where I wish I was out working with the homeless, volunteering my time in some way, or writing creatively and not only academically. For now though, my push is to continually strive to put as much of my energy as I can into my education. I know that this commitment is going to lead me to great things in my future. 

I am not referring to monetary or material rewards, but making a difference in this world. There is so much to be done and so much to influence. I will never stop sharing my voice and although I am merely a molecule within a sea of other beings, I know that what I have to say matters. 

Here’s to knowing what your passions are having the strength to live them loudly. 

Love and light, 

Jamie 

Growing

A brand new year and so many opportunities floating within the horizon.

A list of my newest ambitious intentions:

  1. Back to Vegan.  Turns out my body has allergies to dairy, eggs, and gluten (yes, I’m now one of thoooose people).  I once followed a vegan diet for approximately 6 years without fail and I felt great!  But this gluten-free AND vegan stuff is rough at first.  It’s been a week and I would like to say I am feeling better already.  Who knows though, it could be all in my head.  Either way, I am now and always will be thrilled to be doing positive things for myself to improve my health and happiness.
  2. Beachbody.  I have several friends that are coaches and, while they have never pressured me to join them, the constant success stories can not be denied.  It works.  Turns out that there is currently a free 30-day trial for the on-demand service.  I joined.  It has been 5 days.  We will see where this leads me.  I will take all the help I can get.
  3. Meditation.  I have really lost my way in terms of my willingness to set aside time for my mental and spiritual needs.  For now, my plan is at least 5 minutes  in the morning and night.  I always forget how much the simple act of slowing down, clearing my mind, letting go, and breathing can soothe my mind and body.
  4. Me time.  I am grateful and proud of my relationship, but sometimes I feel that I am losing myself within it.  I am committed to devoting time to myself and time with friends.  I can grasp way too tightly to my partner sometimes and I need to remember that we both need time away to decompress, bond with others and revive our minds.  We each need our space.  It can be difficult because of the bond I feel and the fact that I tend to be overly affectionate by nature.  But I recognize the need to thrive and grow in my own ways as well as providing that space for others.
  5. Balance.  The mix of personal, professional, and academic pursuits can often feel overwhelming.  I am striving to be more mindful of taking care of myself amidst my chaotic schedule.  I have extremely high expectations regarding my college grades and this tends to cause me to put intense amounts of pressure on myself.  I am working on being able to remember daily that I am doing the best I can and that is all that I can ever do, not to be so hard on myself, and to understand that I things do not  always have to be perfect, so long as they just get done.

I am working on me, constantly.  All I have ever wanted is to continue improving and striving for more progress, more life, more understanding, and more love.

Here’s to another beautiful year.

~Jamie

Tabula 15

So I’ve made it this far and I feel quite fantastic. Slimmer and, most importantly, healthier.

It has been a challenging 2 weeks so far, but completely worth it.

My original goal was twenty days.  I am shortening that just a bit.  Not because I don’t think I could make it that far, or beyond.  Mostly because of my future weekend plans.  I have a nice evening planned on Friday and I want to be able to eat dinner, not just sit at the table while the other person eats.

I’ve been doing some research in order to prepare myself for real food again.  As much as I would love to strive to adopt a fully Vegan lifestyle again, it’s not entirely realistic.  So I will be returning to a vegetarian diet, with more of an emphasis on raw foods.  Also, no more cheese.  As much as it pains me to admit it, I cannot consume dairy products.  They do horrible things to my body.

Coffee, on the other hand, I haven’t decided.  I am worried that it was causing some of my health problems.  So I will reintroduce it slowly and see what happens.

I am excited to resume normalcy in a few days.  Well, almost.  I’ve never really been “normal”.

***************************

Update from the scale:

27 pounds lost 🙂

Tabula 7&8

Day 7 was felt easier than the prior days.  Although I was at work and around food all day, I wasn’t tempted.  The only thing I do miss on a daily basis is coffee.  Not for the caffeine content, but because I love the taste.  I’ll have to really decide if I want to start drinking it again after I finish the cleanse.

Day 8.  I was painfully tired in both my classes today and it really worried me.  Thankfully, I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled soon, but ironically it is on the first day after I am planning on ending my detox.  If I start to feel a deeper decrease in energy, I may end sooner than I planned.

Wasn’t tempted by food today until I went to Whole Foods to buy more maple syrup and lemons.  Just being in the produce section made me want to devour all of the fruit.  I also really miss cooking.  It’s weird to come home and just drink liquid for dinner.  But I remind myself that this is temporary, and worth it for my health.

On another note, I have been sleeping better, which is why my tiredness concerns me even more.  I should be more energetic, not less.  Also, my skin looks so much healthier.  You can definitely notice a change in my face.

I am off to bed.  I have an early midterm exam in the morning.

Oh, and as of tonight, I have lost 22 pounds.

  
     

Tabula 5&6

Day 5: This was my first day working while on the cleanse.  I work at a restaurant so that made it mildly difficult.  But I reminded myself that there will be plenty of healthy food waiting for me when I am done detoxing.

No headaches at all.  Feeling more energetic.  So much in fact that I took a trip to Coney Island.  Went on the Wonder Wheel and the Swings.  It was fun.  The most challenging part of the day was being around all that Carnival food.  My sense of smell is heightened so my nose was going crazy.  In all honesty though, I wouldn’t have eaten any of that fried food anyways.  Frozen yogurt though, that is a different story.  I decided I need to go back again this summer, when I can indulge a bit.

Day 6: The day went well at work again.  I was less tempted than the previous day.  I felt good, but didn’t drink enough of my lemonade mixture at work.  I came home with the intention of preparing some more and having a relaxing night.  I had only been home for 10 minutes, went to take out the trash, and locked myself out of my apartment.  No keys, no phone, NOTHING.

Long story short, I was tired, hungry, thirsty and frustrated.  Eventually, I met my very nice neighbors who helped me out and I made it back into my apartment.

I’m convinced after making it through this crazy day that the rest of this cleanse is going to be a breeze.

Sidenote: As of tonight, I am down 20 pounds 🙂

Tabula 4

   

  
  This is me. Day 4. 

I was ashamed of my body for most of my life. 

Not any more. I’ve been wearing whatever I am comfortable in this summer and I will continue to do so.

Throughout this cleanse, I know I will lose weight and slim down, but that is not why I am doing it. I’m doing this for my health. For my future.

Okay, so back to day 4…

It came to my attention that I probably should have went to my doctor to get a physical done before starting this detox to make sure everything is okay. So I scheduled an appointment today. 

I’ve felt more motivated today and a bit more energetic, but the tiredness has still been pretty overwhelming. Hence, the scheduled physical. 

Overall, I feel good. And lighter. I am not a scale person, but I have been weighing myself  throughout this cleanse in order to know what is happening with my body. As of today, I’m down 12 pounds. 

Tomorrow I will be quarter of the way through this. 

Onward!!

Tabula 3

Day 3 was not nearly as painful because my splitting headache almost fully disappeared. I drank more of the lemonade mixture than the previous days to boost my energy level, still I was crashing in both my classes.  The most difficult thing so far has been to stay motivated on schoolwork and studying. Thankfully, this summer semester isn’t too demanding. 

The most challenging part of the day was when my roommate was cooking dinner and the smell was drifting into my room. It was some meat-based dish that I’m sure I wouldn’t have wanted to eat, but it sure smelt good to me in the moment. 

I decided to put on some Netflix and go to sleep early.  I really have to isolate myself because, let’s face it, the world is ruled by food. It’s everywhere you look!  Plus, I follow so many food-based pages on IG and FB that’s it’s basically torture to be on social media at the moment. It’s best if I just sleep. At least I am getting more rest. 

Tabula-1&2

I forgot to document yesterday so I am putting them together.

Day 1 is not for the faint of heart, ESPECIALLY if you are a coffee drinking, like me.  I had an extremely intense caffeine headache throughout the day and very low energy level.  I barely made it through school and had to take a nap in the library during classes.  It was rough.  After school, I came home and passed out so I could hide from the world.  When you aren’t eating food, you don’t necessarily feel like socializing.

Today was Day 2.  Felt slightly better with a bit more energy.  Headache wasn’t as bad until the night rolled around.  As I write this, my head is killing me.  I am going to drink some more lemonade, a lot of water, my detox tea and then pass out.  My days start very early and sleep is even more important during this detox.  I am really hoping that I feel a bit more human tomorrow.

The Master Cleanse

For the past 6 months or so, I have been having a very difficult time sleeping.  What started out as mostly shooting thigh and upper leg pain, moved on to other parts of my body.  The most concerning was lower back pain.  Eventually, the pain was not only while I was laying in bed, it was present throughout most of my day.

Long story short, I saw a neurologist that scheduled me to get an MRI.  The verdict?  I have 2 bulging discs in my lower spine.  The culprit of my lower back pain was identified.  I think the most concerning thing was that my doctor told me that I can no longer run as a form of exercise (this could worsen the problem) and that I need to spend less time standing of sitting for long periods of time.  Ummm, yeah right.  My life is work and school.  It is demanding.  It is physical.  It requires me to be on my feet or sit at a desk/computer for extended periods of time.

The only real solution?  Lose weight.  I’ve heard it countless times.  I’ve also been successful in many of my weight loss endeavors.  I am majoring in nutrition and am aware of all the things needed in order to be healthy.  But my busy schedule makes it sooo difficult.

Approximately 6-7 years ago, I heard of the Master Cleanse.  Instead of explaining it in detail, I will provide this link in case anyone is interested:  http://themastercleanse.org/

The first time I did it, I went for 16 days.  Before this, I was still a carnivore.  After cleansing my body of all the toxins I had collected in my, at the time, 28 years, I decided to transition to a Vegan diet.  It was tricky, but well worth it.  I have never felt so great as I did back then.  My body felt so much healthier.  I felt energetic and alive.  And I didn’t constantly feel sick anymore.

Fast forward to now.  I am no long Vegan, but only because I introduced and eggs and some dairy back into my life over a year and a half ago.  There are parts of me that believe this may have been a mistake.  Overall, my health was always in better condition while I was following a Vegan diet.

So here I am.  Borderline high blood pressure and serious chronic pain.  Bottom line?  I need to lose weight.  Now.

I have decided to do the Master Cleanse again.  This time for 20 days. Believe me, this is no easy decision.  (Following through with this journey working and attending classes full time is going to be brutal.) But it is one that I am doing for the overall well-being of my body.  For my future.

I am hoping to lose a significant amount of weight and to eliminate the constant pain that radiates through my body on a daily basis. Most importantly, to kick-start myself back into a healthy life. I’ll be tracking my progress here.  Feel free to follow along.

Thanks for reading and following my story,

Jamie