Relaxation and Reinvention

It could be because I am mellowing out to some Pink Floyd or that the melatonin I took has me feeling a bit loopy, or perhaps the full moon.  Tonight has me thinking.

Why is it as I slowly inch closer to my goals that I am struggling to even begin to understand or define who I am and what I stand for?  Is it the knowledge that is pushing me into places I have never been before towards those thoughts I have never faced? The ones I have kept pushed away.

I believe that my shyness has never really gotten me anywhere in life.  Then again, this newfound overly-confident, outspoken, much too sarcastic and maybe even inappropriate person I have turned into doesn’t feel too familiar either.  That isn’t who I really am.

It’s somewhere just between.  That is where I want to float.  A cloud between the heavens and the seas.

Just because you have been, doesn’t mean you must continue to be…

I have to give my very first public speech at school next week.  Somehow this is bringing out things I haven’t thought about in so very long.  Years of being picked on and made fun of.  I feel as if I’m 14 again.

I’m only two weeks in to the semester and I’m already feeling it.  For me, the most important thing to remember is that I can only do so much in one day.  When I have reached my maximum, I must relax.

So after an epic candle-lit bubble bath, I am off to bed so I am able to wake up early tomorrow and hit the gym.  It’s been too long.


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