Flux

I have my good days and my bad, just the same as the next person.

It’s been hard to get out of bed this week.  This happens sometimes.  It could be the cold grey of the winter, maybe its more.

Mental health is undoubtedly just as important as physical health.  I always knew depression was present in me, at different levels throughout my early youth until now.  Though now, it’s become stronger.

It feels inferior almost.  Last semester I learned all the ways to handle the everyday realities of stressors that can be present in our daily lives.  Even still, I can’t figure it out this time.

School starts back up next week and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.  I’m worried that I won’t be able to balance all the pieces of my overwhelming puzzle.  More so, I am worried that I will be able to balance them, but what will that do to me. How will I suffer because of it.

I try so hard, work obsessively, pressure myself to succeed and in the end I have accomplished good things.  But I still never feel satisfied.  I don’t feel good enough.

There was a time that I felt there were many people out there that I could talk to.  Things are different now.  Forums such as twitter, facebook, instagram, etc. don’t make me feel close to my ‘friends’.  I actually feel more alone.  Almost everyone I was once close with no longer has time to talk; they have their own lives.  I don’t feel like I have anything in common with people who used to be my everything, including my sisters.  This kills me.

All of us need someone to talk to.  It is impossible to survive in solitude, which is where I feel I hide most of the time.

I have always been afraid of therapy, but I know I have to face my fears.  I have to figure out all this hurt that is ruling me lately.

All the meditation, exercise and yoga isn’t changing much.  It’s time to commit to more.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s